Someone I love very much has put on a lot of weight and developed diabetes. It makes me really scared and sad. I think about how that could be me and I am glad I’ve worked so hard. I’m also angry because she could be me. Why isn’t she exercising? Why isn’t she being more careful about what she eats? It’s a long life. I want her to have a long life. She can’t be comfortable in that body. I know she can’t. And her kids? It frightens me to realize that it could be me. It motivates me to keep going, to stay healthy. It also motivates me to write my book because I really want to help people, to show them that this can be done, and it’s not hard and it doesn’t hurt. It’s actually a lot of fun!
Things are still pretty stressful. I just found out my ex wants custody of our younger son. Figures. I am miserable about it. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t think my ex will make sure he gets the treatment he needs. I don’t think he even really understands the treatment our son needs. I also just moved to one of the best school districts in the state to ensure that my son has every advantage I can give him. It’s dreadful to think about having to only be in his life part-time and to not be able to provide the help and support he needs. I love my kids more than anything else in the world.
I have been getting to the gym more. It feels so good to get in there and work hard! I love feeling my muscles grow. I’ve decided to work on burning fat too. As my muscles get bigger I can tell I need to burn more fat to stay where I want to be. I have big bulky legs, even at my best, and weight lifting makes them bigger in short order. I am feeling it already. But it’s good. 🙂 I love working out too! It is a chance to challenge my body, push myself. And then cardio is my time to just listen to my music and ponder life. I come out of the gym feeling so confident and capable!
Next week is my surgery. Yowza! I wouldn’t have done it if I knew I was going to be spending money on an attorney. But it was already paid for before I found out so I may as well go through with it! I guess it is a good thing though. I was looking in the mirror the other day thinking about it and it’s definitely going to help me feel better, once the pain subsides! LOL I don’t know how I will do with the pain but I’ll manage. I will try to blog about it, for anyone who is considering having the same procedure after they lose weight. My friend S is going to drive me. She is one of the coolest women I have met, second to Jewels of course! She has implants and has been super encouraging.
I’ve mentioned that I struggle with friendships. I think that I have found two true friends recently. S is beautiful, like crazy beautiful, and we have both struggled to make friends. I think she is the sweetest girl. She remembers absolutely everything, which is great because I can’t remember anything! She is very confident and strong too. The other one is my trainer. He is a great trainer, totally outside of the friendship. I have worked with other trainers over the years and Jon beats them all hands down. He’s just more personable and has this way of being a complete pain in the ass and making me push harder without making me feel perturbed about it. Until he has me jumping, that I hate. But hey, I can’t have it all. Anyway, besides being a great trainer, he is becoming my friend. He’s a sweet person and really thoughtful. He’s a lot of fun to hangout with too. I know I can count on him but it isn’t one way either, he asks for my advice and listens to my input on things. I’m really glad to be getting to know both of these wonderful people!
Whatever your goals are, go for them. It feels so GOOD to reach your goals and when you reach one you are so confident it just feels natural to set a new one and go for that. I want to go on Survivor. Crazy, I know, but I really think it would be such a challenge. I don’t watch the show much but they have it on at the gym. I watch it there and think it would be a great chance to push myself. I don’t know about the people involved and all the competition though. I am a pretty likable but driven person, I hope, so I may as well give it a try! I need to get in better shape first (Jon knows and we’re on it) but I hope I get the chance.
jewelsandbeans 