Hey! They changed the way WordPress looks. Figures! This is what I get for taking such a long break!
So, it’s an odd time for me to get serious about reaching out to everyone again but there’s a reason. I’m about to have surgery. Big, bad surgery and not the elective type. I’m having a partial hysterectomy. Why does that belong on a blog about losing weight and keeping it off? Hey, it’s about friendship too and Jewels is worried sick about me! But there’s more to it than that. The risk of developing complex ovarian cysts and endometriosis increase if you are overweight and OH BOY was I overweight for a very loooong time! That increased risk doesn’t go away just as soon as you lose the weight. Nope, the longer you weigh too much, the longer your risk stays elevated. For me I guess we can call it permanent because I developed this right at the end of being overweight.
I’m sad because this means no more babies. I really secretly wanted to have another one, or maybe two. I mean, not super badly, but I liked having the option. I just kind of feel like it would be great to have kids with someone I’m better suited for and who is better suited for fatherhood. However, my ex-boyfriend (the cool one who told GNC I didn’t need to lose any weight) pointed out that I already have two perfect sons. Yeah, this is why I want to be his friend, he’s got those pretty awesome moments when his really big heart shines through and I can’t help but like him. He’s right, my kids may both be about six foot tall and more or less young men more than kids but damn they are perfect. Seriously. Not “perfect” perfect but exactly and totally awesomely perfect to me perfect and perfectly the way they are supposed to be.
In case you can’t tell, these boys of mine have really gotten it together. My younger son has really adapted well to his new school. He LOVES it! They LOVE him! I love everything! Seriously, teachers email me and tell me how much they love having him in class. He hasn’t blossomed, he has exploded into wonderfulness! All the pieces have come together and he takes my breath away. My older son has moved back in and suddenly, he’s responsible! He is working as a shift leader, full time! Really! I am also so proud of him! How did I get so blessed?
Weight loss? Okay, that’s another story. I haven’t lost the weight I put back on just yet. I am debating the gym daily because I am afraid I will hurt myself! But, I am eating better. I have broken up with the vending machines again, they are very sneaky and seductive with their candy and chocolate. As always, we started out with just low cal interactions but then it got more intense. I just had to cut them off again. I renewed my association with protein bars and portable fruit. Salad, sushi, ground turkey, buffalo and all my other favorite friendly foods are back in full force. No more lazy daisy eating whatever is around. It is hard to change for life but I do hard stuff well.
I also broke up with my cigarettes, yesterday. It’s been 36 hours and I don’t regret it at all, so far. I don’t know if it is permanent but I have to stop smoking for the surgery. If you stop smoking you have less risk of infection and are likely to recover better. I was going to put it off until the end of this semester but I am tired all the time!I think I just need to go ahead and get it done. So yesterday I gave my cigarettes a break up speech and tossed them into the trashcan.
If you are wondering WHY I “break up” with my bad habits it’s because I know that it is mostly about emotion for me. It is also about being in control of my own life. When the doctor told me last year that I HAD to quit smoking, it was wretched. If someone tells me I CAN’T eat something, well the first thought through my head will be “watch me!” I was always independent. My favorite feeling was freedom. It’s AMAZING my marriage lasted as long as it did! Being married is one thing, being married to a man who felt the need to control me, it was never going to work. So when I stop a bad habit, it has to be 100% my choice and on my terms. I give my bad habits break up speeches because it gives me an emotional resolution and permission to feel sad, even though I know it is what I want and very healthy for me. It works for me.
Hopefully, I will be able to come and share this journey with all of you more often. I know that weight loss is hard. Keeping it off is pretty darn hard too! I’m far from perfect but I know how to do it. I just have to be mindful of what is really important to me. Being able to go jump off the side of a boat and snorkel in the Caribbean at 80+ years old is so much more important to me than how ever many candy bars I could have eaten or cigarettes I could have smoked. I’m not a teen trying to prove I can do as I please and I’m not a wife trying to pretend like I can, I’m a woman living my life on my terms the best way I know how, and that’s pretty much as self-determined as a person can get.