Love you! – Beans

I want to invite all of you to watch a video about the movement to love our bodies as they are. Maybe it seems really strange that I worked so hard to change my body but I support the movement to consider every body beautiful. Well, I am as capable of loving my body now as I was before. I actually had to love myself as I was before I could lose weight. I had to know, for myself, that I wasn’t losing weight to fit some social standard but rather for reasons that were true to myself. I lost weight because I didn’t feel like myself, I couldn’t do what I wanted to do and I wanted to protect my independence and ability to rely on myself. I also felt like the weight was a reflection of something I had overcome. It needed to go. However, I truly believe that confidence and feeling at home in your own skin is the true source of beauty. So whatever is right for you, is what is beautiful. My “not me” could be your absolute perfection.

I just hired a personal trainer to help me meet my next goal of building muscle. I don’t want to be a body builder (he is) but I do want to be stronger and hopefully add some tone along the way. I think that it’s about independence for me. I want to know that I can take care of myself, move furniture around, lift heavy boxes, whatever it is that needs done so that life can go on, I want to be able to do that. I won’t lie, I think I’ll look better, but in my mind, I am a person who is self-reliant, so maybe that’s part of why I think I will be more “right” looking. I don’t know, but I do know that I’m excited! After losing the weight and then keeping it off, I am ready to take on the toning challenge.

I didn’t actually plan on hiring a trainer. My ex bf’s friend is a trainer, and a bodybuilder. I asked him if he could show me how to use the weight towers at the gym and refresh my memory about how to use free weights. He said sure but he’d also like to talk to me about personal training. I told him that I am pretty anti personal trainer but he could practice his sales pitch after we worked out. About halfway through the workout I realized I was totally going to hire him. He taught me new ways of working out that are much harder, and I think much better, than the typical machines. Plus, he’s really a cool person. I told him straight up, nothing we talk about workout wise, and especially body image wise or my tendency to drop things or trip over things, goes back to the ex. As far as the ex is concerned, I’m awesome in every way when I am working out. Or better yet, just don’t talk about me working out at all. 😛 I love my ex to death but there’s a reason I wouldn’t work out with him more than once. He doesn’t need to know.

I hope everyone is doing well! I need to get off here and get to bed.